Should I go back for my bicycle?

So, Saturday night things changed a lot for me.
Jay and I got together Friday night, because he was leaving for the weekend to film a spot in Illinois for a hospital there--gone all weekend--wouldn't be back til Monday. He was psyched though, since the show got canceled there hasn't been a lot of work, and he'd spent a lot of money in Cozumel. I was happy for him. We had a wonderful night.
So Saturday, I get off work, and I'm pretty tired, and as I'm turning out of the parking lot I get this flash from nowhere that he's lying. It hit me like a bolt of lightning. Absolute certainty.
I started driving home, talking myself out of it, with an interior monologue that went something like this:"you can't blame your man for the mistakes of the past, he wouldn't lie to you, he loves you, and who would go to so much work to create a fiction? I mean, he talked about the story boards for the shoot, and the person who gave him the work, and told you the hotel he'd be staying at, and you guys talked about, Tom, his James Joyce-loving, alcoholic irish cameraman--and he told you he'd send Tom your love. I mean, you guys talked about the pending shoot for 45 minutes, and he sort of complained about it, but you know, work is work....get real. He's not lying."
But there was this voice in my head, going like a ambulance beacon---"he's lying, he's lying, he's lying, he's lying."
So, I thought, okay. I'll settle this. I'll just drive out there. He probably forgot to feed the cats anyways (we live together summers and holidays, so I know this) and I'll set this to rest and feel guilty about not trusting him later.
So I did, calling his cell once as I drove along the twisty roads...no answer.
And it was really like a bad dream. Because the lights were all on, of course, and there were two cars in the shed. He was there, with Hali.
So, I walked down the long path, past the grove where all the dogs are buried, through the naked redbud trees, under the quiet stars--there are no lights to blot out the sky out on the farm, thinking "this is too bad. This is the last time I'm going to do this." And knocked on the door.
He opened the door, looking very surprised.
"Hi!" I said cheerfully, sticking my hands in my pockets. My hair was squished in its usual messy ponytail from work. I had the irrational thought that I wanted to look really really pretty at this momen--and that maybe I should have brushed my hair. Oh well, at least I had mascara on. Aren't women weird? "Hey--I just tried to call you, but I didn't get an answer--to ask if you'd found the code pager? I think I left it here last night--did you find it?"
"No."
"Oh. Too bad. Change of plans, I see?"
"Yes, I had a change of plans."
I just nodded. Then I left.
And haven't spoken to him since.
And it hit me. If you don't want your man to lie to you and you don't want a life of lies.....DON'T BE WITH A MAN WHO LIES! Bye, Bye, Liar. Oh, I've gone round and round with this. There is one solution, I think. I hope. Maybe I'm being too harsh. He's called a couple of times, but each time I hear his voice I feel repulsed. He wants to have lunch today and talk about it. On one of his messages, he told me it was my fault that he had to lie to me, because I was uncomfortable with the Hali/Elena situation.
One happy family.
Oh well, now I don't have to deal with the whole drama any more. I don't have to feel slighted. And I don't have to wonder whether he loves me, because he obviously doesn't. I mean, I wish he did. It sort of sucks to have spent 2 years loving him and have this happen, but, oh well. That's life.
I take refuge in my good nature.
Yesterday at work it kept popping through, the grief. I'd be fine and detached, and then I'd just start crying. Usually when someone was nice to me.
Fortunately, my patient was on CRRT, which involves a machine the size of a refrigerator. So when I'd have a crying jag, I'd just crouch behind it until it was over.
Wiz caught me.
"are you okay?" he asked. He's so matter of fact.
"No." I said, and started crying again. "I'm sorry."
"Can I do anything for you to make this better?"
"Just don't be nice to me."
"Got it. Okay. " He hands me a ten "Go down to the cafeteria and get yourself a treat Then take a walk. Bring me back a cup of coffee, the good stuff, see if you can get it when it's first brewing, because that's the strongest stuff. Okay? Go. Now."
So I did.
And I did feel better.
But...
well, that's my 1/2 hour.