Bad Credit

Oh, it's so hard some times.
I'm riding on my rims.
I applied for a loan last week to pay off my credit cards. I have $25,000 in debt wracked up. Ok, before you think this is too bad, please remember that for 3 years I supported myself and two children with no child support and no income while I went back to school. And I did it for $70,000. So that's 3 years of private school, mortgage payments, gas, clothing and food on $23,000/year. Which isn't that bad. Now, of course, there's family money--so if things got terrible we weren't going to starve--most people don't have that security, and my parents sprang for things like ballet lessons ($250/semester) and trumpet lessons, so we weren't totally pathetic, but basically, I did it and I think I deserve some props.
The loan officer ran my credit report. I've been working really hard on my credit for the last couple of years. I took all my bills that were in collections (and I had a lot left over from my divorce) and started sending each creditor $10/month. When one bill got paid off, I would shift that amount to the next and so on and so forth. It works! Now I have one left that I send $130 a month to. My credit was getting a lot better, but last year I was billed twice for my pap smear. I eventually got tired of fighting the charge and just paid it to save my credit. Then the doctor's office refunded the extra money and still reported it as delinquent to the credit company! It's really irritating.
"Wow," the loan officer said. "I'm really sorry. This is outside our parameters."
"Oh, well," I said philosophically, "thank you very much for your time."
"I'm still going to give you the loan."
"You are?"
"Yep."
I didn't question him. Signed all the papers. 8%. Most of my cards are between 14 and 29 per cent.
He got up to shake my hand as I left and walked me to the door of the bank.
"My mom was a nurse." he said. He had tears in his eyes. "Did it just like you, on her own. Watch out for your back."
Maybe Nick and Lilly will grow up and pass it on like that.
I hope so.
I know there are miracles and good people every where, but sometimes, you get so tired of seeing them hurt it's hard to, I don't know, let the gladness in, you know?
At 11pm last night as I was going to sleep finally, I remembered I hadn't told Mrs. Gore's family that she was an ME hold.
Why was she an ME hold?
Because, when I was giving her a bath after admitting her, I found dried blood on both sides of her groin and nowhere else on her body.
I told Wiz when I found it. "I think there's a possibility of assault."
"You watch too much tv."
"I don't watch tv."
"Oh, right. Well, there goes that argument. Are you trying to pussyfoot around the word rape?"
"You know what I mean by assault. It's the euphemism they use in the papers."
"they automatically check for that in the ER."
"Perez admitted her." Nina Perez is one of the residents, Puerto Rican, arrogant, nasty. 'Hates herself, hates others--so she decided to be a doctor' Wiz's assessment, and I concur.
No expression on Wiz's carp-like face.
"Tell the resident. I'll call the sexual assault nurse."
So the police came, and the S.A.N. and she did an exam, which bewildered and frightened Mrs. Gore. She clutched my wrist and whimpered and looked at me with her filmy eyes, as I helped to hold her legs apart and I thought, if she was raped, she probably thinks she's now being raped again. I wished I hadn't said anything.
What do you do? I don't know. Did Perez see it and ignore it? Would that have been more humane? But if she was raped, don't we need to know and investigate it? Who rapes a 95 year old?
But it would have been good to have spared her that, in her last hours.
I don't know.
Here's what my epitaph will be "I came to no conclusions."
Wiz stopped by the the room as the S.A.N. was packing up her things.
"I respectfully return my ticket." he says.
"Ivan to God. Brothers K."
"You should watch more TV."
"Duly noted."
Well, that's my 1/2 hour.