Hiscarrots

Back in Little Dixie.

Ho-ome. Ho-ome.

Jay calls.

"We need to talk."
Blecch. I hate it when conversations start like that.
"Okay, what's up?"
"Face to face."
"Oh, fuck that. Don't go all drama rama. Just tell me."
Long pause. Exasperated sigh.
"I have something unpleasant on my...thing...."
"Tick bite?"
"I wish."

Oh, heck. Didn't mean to pass that on.

So I went over with sunflowers, Valtrex, chicken soup and lidocaine gel.

"Do you think I'll need this?" Jay asks, looking at the gel. "It doesn't really hurt."

"Don't worry, it will. The first Herpes outbreak is usually pretty painful." I tell him

"You can't use that word." He's serious.

"What else should we call it?"

"That word is gross."

"Okay--how about...spotted dick."

"Stop."

"My lifelong friend, oozing genital sores, his-carrots?"

"I vote for either oozing genital sores or his carrots."

"I like spotted dick."

"Do not make jokes about my affliction, you evil pestilential woman. You're like something from Revelations"

"Please, you've been exposed before. You're from the sixties. Let me see it."

"No. Do you know I've even started wearing underwear?"

"Something you should have been doing long before this. What if you're in an accident? Let me see it."

Okay, I don't mean to make light of this, but on his thingy tip was a little red dot.

I just started laughing. "That's it?"

"That's a big deal!"

"You're right. I'm sorry."

"This is horrible!" He looked offended. "I have a sore on my penis!"

"Okay, you're right. I know."

He zips up. "Just for that attitude, you don't get to see it anymore. Ever."

But I think I made him feel better.

Later in bed he says, holding me close, (definitely a cuddle night) "It's okay. Getting to make love to you is worth any number of weeping genital sores."

Okay, this is why I love him, in spite of all the baloney.

But now it's time for my soapbox.

Herpes is forever. I've been lucky so far. I had one outbreak in 2003 and haven't had one since, but boy, was that one a doozy! You don't want one, ever. If you have had a herpes outbreak, even once, you STILL HAVE THE VIRUS. And you can transmit it at any time. When Jay caught it, I was taking valtrex and hadn't had an outbreak in 5 years. It's never over. Don't fool yourself. Be honest with your lover, and your potential lover. Bring it up frequently. Paint the nastiest, most truthful picture you can to them, don't try to gloss it over. Be sure to use words like "CRUSTING" and "PAINFUL" If they still want to make love to you after hearing the phrase "CRUSTING GENITAL LESIONS" baby, you got a keeper. We talked about this frequently and openly and I made sure he had all he facts and understood the risk. Valtrex will help reduce the risk of transmission, but it can't prevent it entirely. We made the decision after about a year to go without condoms (Jay has a vasectomy). Jay's in his mid-fifties and I'm in my forties--so it's a different stage of life, you know? It just isn't big deal it would be if I were like, 22. But it still SUCKS. Even if you do have it and your lover has it, you're not home free. Did you know you can get reinfected...with a different strain? Woohoo! Even as up front as I was about it, I don't think Jay really understood what it entails. I shouldn't have given in on the condom thing. I could have spared him this. If I could have done anything differently, I would have insisted on that. He says I'm off the hook on that one, since he so avidly pressed his case, but I'm not. I knew. Arrgh. Well, it least it wasn't the big surprise for him that it was for me. I think we'll get through it.

That's my 1/2 hour