Redemption

Went to see The Darjeeling Ltd with Lilly tonight. It started on the24th, but it's been sold out until tonight. We went to the 5:15 show. Rushmore is my favorite movie. It's more than a favorite movie with me, actually. I've watched it over 200 times. I started watching after Xavier went away to fall apart. I have an old boyfriend who became an agent in Hollywood, and every year he used to me a big box full of all the tapes sent for people to review before the academy awards. It was a nice way to get free movies, as long as you didn't mind "Property of Paramount Pictures" popping up across the screen every 30 seconds or so. So after he left, I popped it in and watched it. And watched it again. And watched it again. Rushmore is more than a film to me: it's a fantasy family. It promises redemption on the only scale I want. I tried to get my kids into it, but switched it off when Lilly turned to me and said, "Mommy, what's a hand job?" Danger is everywhere. So after that I watched it by myself. I was working the night shift at the switchboard at the local sheriff's department at the time, so, on my off days, I would either go to Walmart and just wander around and buy things like gum or corduroy backed lap desks, or sit on the floor in my empty living room and watch Rushmore.
Rushmore is kind of a password, I've found, for a membership in secret rumpled club. I keep changing my mind about what it means. I don't trust people who don't like the movie, and loving it is a signal that our souls are in sync.
Darjeeling isn't Rushmore but it's pretty good. Owen Wilson seems so unhappy, though. Maybe he needs to become a nurse. I think everyone should be a nurse for at least 1 year. It should be like the army used to be.
Back at work, on our little twilight train, things are...kind of slow. It's a little funny, actually. My dad gave me Zero Limits for my birthday. My father kind of falls for everything that comes down the supernatural pike and buys me the book, and then I feel obliged to read it because, well, it came from my Dad. So, anyways, on my birthday, I read the first chapter of the book. In it this guy, Dr. Hew Len supposedly cures an entire mental ward of the criminally insane by going through their charts and taking their problems upon himself and saying "I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you." I just laughed. And then, for kicks, I looked at my patient list from the weekend, still stuck in the back pocket of my scrubs and I thought about each one of them and all their problems and did it. 18 patients.

So guess what. We only have 7 left. Blessed empty beds, clean with closed doors. Rooms free of pain.

Coincidence?

Baggins is suggesting we put tacks on the local interstate or we'll all be out of a job. Haha.

The sleeping girl, by the way, finally passed. Her mother came back, but refused to withdraw care. I'm not sure of the details, but I know the issue went all the way up to the ethics committee.

I love you. I'm sorry. Forgive me. Thank you.