What would happen if I just stopped doing it, I wonder?
Would we break up?
Probably. Everytime I decide to drop the fallacies, the relationship ends. There hasn't been one strong enough to lose the game.
Ok, that's not true.
Arthur, my best friend from Dartmouth is still around, even after I changed the rules. He's still my friend. He's slightly more unpleasant than he was a few years ago, but I think that's because he was always hiding that side from me
Chris, my ex is still my friend--really and truly my friend.
So, maybe you can change the game. Maybe people are more resilient than I give them credit for.
I'm kind of amazed that Jay and I are still together after this terrible month.
That's probably why I'm sick.
And I've been eating like crap.
Lilly was sick, too, yesterday. We had to go to the doctor, get antibiotics. We just laid around on the couch, drinking campbell's soup and ginger ale, eating organic cheese doodles and cookie dough. Reading books. When I got the energy, I would take out my fiddle and noodle around on it. I'm trying to learn some Irish reels by heart.
In the evening, Nick went to the grocery store. He bought a bag of organic spinach leaves.
"Here." he said. "we've been eating like crap for the last week. Everybody needs to eat a handful of these, whether you want to or not."
So we did.
Vegetables, gross.
Never let a 16 year old boy go grocery shopping for you. Here's what he brought:
- Milk
- Cheese doodles
- cookie dough
- strawberry kiwi juice
- freezer biscuits
- ginger ale
- fried chicken
- organic spinach
- brillo pads
- potato chips
- campbell's soup
okay, actually, it's not that bad. I just thought the cookie dough and freezer biscuits were very typical teen choices.
All three of us are going to die of pernicious anemia if we're not careful.
My father wants to have my mother's birthday today--4 days early. I don't know why they do this kind of crap. Why can't we just have it on the right day, the normal day? And why do they announce the change, like, the day of? So you have to rush out and buy a present. Then they tell you not to get them anything expensive, but they're pissed off if you don't....craziness.
Arrrghhhh.
And I have therapy today, and I can't afford it, but I can't deal with my life if I don't go, and I have to admit, things are better in my life since starting with the good doctor. The proof: my mother told me: "you just seem so much more 'with it' this last year--as healthy as I think I've ever seen you." She should see my bedroom, then she'd change her mind.
Okay--what else, since this has turned into a random gripe session--
I've gained 4 pounds. My period came a week early and my breasts hurt. I've felt too sick to work out for like 3 weeks now--anything other than yoga.
I want my house to be wonderful and clean and a refuge, but I feel too crappy to clean. I just want to read, sleep, and fiddle. Grasshopper weather, I guess. I hear the cricket going by the fireplace. I guess maybe he's affecting me.
Oh, well, I mean, my parents have lived like this their whole lives. They're not bad people. I come by it honestly.
La, la, la.
Nick's taken over the peace room as his bedroom, so I'm back to meditating in the living room. Nick's bedroom upstairs is this place in flux. We have to think of something to do with it.
That's my 1/2 hour, thank god.
