Compromises

Happy New Year! I've had an unremarkable one so far.
Lilly and Nick didn't want to be seen with me, of course. Nick went downtown with his friends. He drove. Our town has a celebration called First Night--the whole town turns out to ring in the New year. It's usually wonderful, but last night was a little dull. There didn't seem to be that many people. Hali asked Jay if he could please watch Elena last night while she went out with her husband.
Bitch.
Nice way to throw a wrench in our New Years Eve plans. She's just bent on drying us up. I don't know whether it's conscious or not. Probably conscious.
So we took the Lena bean downtown. I think she was a little overwhelmed. They cover the whole plaza in front of the courthouse with layers of bubble wrap,and they have a kids celebration at 10, and all the kids just pour out in masks and crowns they've made earlier in the evening and they set off fireworks and the kids jump upand down on the bubble wrap--which is actually really satisfying. I'm thinking of covering my entire house in it.
"Big party!" she says, grinning.
"Big party," I agree. We jumped up and down on the bubble wrap for awhile. Then that was enough. She's struck up quite a relationship with Tonks, our Lhasa.
"Tonks loves me." she declares.
"Tonks does love you."
"Tonks is little and sweet and good and she loves me."
"That is very true."
After we made our masks (the Methodist church hosted the masks--the churches usually are open and participate, but my church was closed up cold for some reason. Damn anglicans. No wonder we're losing people) she wanted me to take her in to the bathroom so she could look at herself.
She stared at herself in the mirror for a minute. Then she turned to me and licked me.
I just started laughing. "Why did you do that?"'
"I'm Tonks. I kissed you. Kiss me."
I do so.
Well, what a strange situation.
After the courthouse, she said, "I want to go to another Big party." And Jay was actually considering keeping her out. But I dissuaded him.
"2. 10. Bed."
So we went to Hali's big house (she owns one of the biggest, oldest, most beautiful Victorian houses in our town, right on Broadway, which is a very prized place to have a house). It's always clean, too, unlike mine. Oh well, I do it alone. I don't have two husbands, plus however many roommates they have renting there to keep it all afloat. We're standing in the kitchen, talking, sort of. Hali doesn't make much conversation with me. I don't believe she's ever asked me a question about myself. She's wearing jeans which show the top of her black thong when she bends over and a ribbed turtleneck which skims the top of her waistband. Her hair is down. She takes Lena and they immediately go over to a rocking chair in the corner of the diningroom and starts nursing her.
Hallelujah.
So I invited her and her husband to the hangover leftover party. (This is a New Years Day party I have every year. It's kind of fun. Everybody just schleps over with their leftovers and hangovers and musical instruments and hangs out. Sometimes it's big...sometimes it's small.) I mean, fuck this. Let's get this shit on my turf. I'm tired of these games and I'm tired of being excluded. If there is to be a pretense of one big happy family--which it isn't--it's just an excuse to have the cake and eat it--we'll make the lie the truth. No more games. We'll stick her in the circle of my women, my family, my friends, and we'll bring those pressures to bear. It'll be good for everybody and it will inject a little reality and context in the situation and maybe we'll actually be able to pull something healthy out of it, like a friendship and community out of this weirdness. Here's my gift--I'm healthy and kind and strong. I'll let myself rub off on all this.
You want one big fucking happy family, bitch,
you got it.

That's my 1/2 hour.