Code Books

We found out who sent the book. It was Lilly's friend, Kelsie. The girls were all over at my house, sprawled around the living room after a tennis match. All these sweaty long limbs! Where did they come from? I felt so good seeing Lilly with her friends, taking over the room. I never had easy times like this growing up. I so envied the girls who did. Girls who laughed loudly together, in their tennis skirts, easy, physical. Raiding the refrigerator, catty and gossipy and funny.

And they always include me. I feel like I gave birth to my own member of the popular crowd to ensure my acceptance.

"So," Kelsey asks me, as she's making herself a peanut butter sandwich. "Did anything exciting happen to you this summer?"

Well, a lot. But of course the most recent thing was the mysterious book. I tell her all about it.

"Wow," Dorothy says (she's on the tennis team, too) "The exact thing happened to me. The same book."

"That is so weird," Carolyn, Lilly's best friend adds. "I just got that same book in the mail."

"Oh my God!" Kelsie says. "Me too!" We all look at each other.

"Did you guys read it?" Kelsie asks. "It's a great book." And she has this funny look on her face, as if she's trying not to smile.

And I know all of the sudden.

"It is a good book." Carolyn agrees. Dorothy nods. "I'm not through with it yet."

"Oh, my God, I am so not going to read it," Lilly says. "It's probably from some creepy stalker."

"No it's a good book." I say. It is. Nothing really happens in it, but it's a pretty sweet little story. I decide to play along. "I wonder why you're all supposed to read the same book..."

"Creepy." Lilly says. My streetwise daughter. All the romanticism leached out of her already.

Kelsie looks nervous.

"It's kind of like a Nancy Drew mystery." I offer.

"Yes! Exactly like that!"

"Maybe they're clues in the book."

"I never thought of that!" Dorothy says. "Lilly, do you have your copy?"

"My mom's been reading it," she says dismissively.

I go get it. "Ok. Let's look at the first picture..."

Kelsie is getting more and more jittery.

Lilly looks at her. Lilly knows. "You did it." Lilly says. She starts laughing. "You sent us each the same book!"

"First editions, too. Only like 5 bucks" Kelsie adds. "Well, I was stuck at my grandmother's house in Maryland and it was really boring, and she had all these books in the basement. Do you ever just pick up a book and start reading it because you like the shape of the cover or something? So I started reading this book, and I couldn't put it down. So I thought it would be fun if something mysterious happened to all of us this summer and I ordered copies over the internet and sent them to you all anonymously."

I like the book because it starts with the heroine sitting in the kitchen sink. I often sit in weird places in the house when I write to shake up my perspective--often on the kitchen floor. (I would catch something if I sat in my sink).

But I think Kelsie was trying to tell her friends something about herself. She and Lilly had a terrible fight in the spring. She was really mean to her. Refused to give her a ride, turned the other kids against her, and abandoned her at a study group. I'd about had it with Kelsie, even though I'm friends with her parents--Larry is a former nurse--tiny frenetic--I know I've talked about him before. He's the one who buried 12 feet long copper poles in his yard to prevent the house being struck by lightening. The character of the father in the book a lot like Larry, I think. I think the book resonated so strongly with Kelsie, that she felt it would explain her to her friends in ways she never could. I felt it was an apology.

What is that quote? I read to know myself? Maybe it should be I read so that others may know me. We're all here in code, aren't we? Even to the people who should know us best.

That's my 1/2 hour.