Refuge

Christmas, for me, is officially over.
Just packed the kids off with my parents. Down to Florida they go.
Even though I've been sitting, my equanimity is pretty much out the window.
My father kept tromping in and out of the house, all over my persian rugs. "Why are there wet spots on my Qashqai?" I screeched.
"Because I'm not a frickin muslim and I'm not going to take my shoes off in your house!"
Lilly decided she didn't want to eat at MacDonald's, so she made herself a mug full of Ramen noodles and was sort of drifting around, shoving big dripping glops of them in her mouth, as she sat at the computer, this computer, my computer, in the brand new chair in the living room. My mother was right, I have to hand it to her---Jay has dropped by a few times (something he never ever used to do)...and he plops right down in the chair. The Man Chair.
"Stop eating in the living room! That's a rule that's been extant since you were three. What's wrong with you."
Eye rolling. She goes into the dining room. Not so much a room really, in this little house, more like an area.
Last night, in two hours flat, I bought a tree after going 3 different places to find one--I tried to buy a fake, pre-lit tree, but I couldn't bring myself to do it--set it up, decorated it, finished my christmas shopping, wrapped the presents and dressed for dinner. Two hours. Only a trauma nurse would be able to accomplish that. We even put Christmas music on and had fun. My folks came over and we all went to Macaroni Grill for Christmas dinner--my mother will only eat in chains. She doesn't trust local restaurants. Then we came home and opened presents I got the usual assortment of horrible clothing I will never ever wear--except she did buy me a black satin trench coat which is actually pretty cool--but I did get Yoga money--hooray!
We gave her a gift that really silenced her: diamond earrings. Okay, diamond chip earrings. But still. The good mood and the peaceful dinner was worth the money. No sniping, no nasty swipes, no fussing at the waiter, no complaining about the pets or our facial expressions. She just sat there and gleamed.
This morning it all began again--I have these cute velvet boxes I picked up for 50 cents each after Christmas last year and I planned to fill them with candy--this wonderful candy I found at this little store in town--really good stuff and wrapped in foil and shaped as fishes and stars and coins and hearts and presents. Not that terrible crumbly stale Christmas chocolate you get at the grocery store that tastes like it's been sitting on someone's back shelf for the last 10 years. But I underestimated the size of the boxes, and when I went to fill them with the candy I found I could only fill 3 of them. For 10 teachers. So I had to go to Hobby Lobby, where they're having a 50% off sale on ornaments, and buy $40 bucks worth of ornaments. I guess that's not bad. It adds up, though, and I don't think we go as over the top as some people do. I've probably spent at least 800 dollars on Christmas. $800 I don't have--but there's work, and there's the doctor and the orthodontist and the hairdresser and the postman, and the garbage man(I've lived through a major natural disaster--garbage got piled in the streets 10 feet high--your garbage men are just about the most important people in your world, even if you don't realize it. Dirty nasty job. Don't forget them). You know though, it doesn't average out to too much per person. About 200/person for the main people, and then $200 total for all the extraneous people. But you have to think--what if we as a society gave up Christmas, just for one year, and gave all the money instead to people who have nothing--how many of the problems would go away? Or would we compound them since the world functions on waste now. Would the economy crash? My shrink says it would.
And as I was handing out my little velvet boxes to people, my heart got happy and the pain in the ass aspect faded away. Jay came by last night with presents for the kids, something else he has never done, wearing a Santa hat and the scarf I knit him last year. So things were happy and good. And I was thinking that this is really the time of year we say "thank you" to everyone around us who is nice and keeps our community going, or just makes life a little more pleasant, and that, in spite of all the commercialism/social obligation--it's good that we've institutionalized a time as a society where we do this--we give cookies to the teachers and cards to our friends. I think most every one's hassled and harried and poor, but overall, however imperfect, setting aside a time to be grateful (and, happy unrepentant Americans as we all are--a time to make money!) is a good thing.
So be grateful. Be grateful for the dishes and the mess and the obligations. Be grateful for the social web that holds you in, holds you together. People are hassled, but they're largely kind. Be grateful for the driver at the mall who lets you turn left and the clerk who's still good tempered. I was reading an article by Sylvia Boorstein in Shambala Sun today. She said "I take refuge in my own good nature." What a great idea! Me, too. Blessings to all and stay warm.
That's my 1/2 hour.